Butch oppression!

I'd love to hear from others out there in our community who get nasty vibes and looks from the other tough fat butches once they hear about my surgery. I'd like to put a positive story together before Gay Pride...I'm getting a proclamation this year and everybody will see me (not that anyone ever listens to those things). I'm only 6 weeks post-op (VSG) but I've lost 55lbs and pride is still 2 months away... I guess you know you are queer when you start worrying about how you'll look at Pride in 2 months...

Thanks. Mimi

Hi Mimi!  I can't respond to your question about nasty vibes but just wanted to say Congrats on the weightloss!!   LOL and with all the Pride celebrations coming up, now you got me thinking about what to wear and all that!

Speaking as a tough fat butch (who gets nasty stares everyday)- I would never send out nasty vibes out to those considering surgery. However, I am trying to get RNY myself, so what I do I know. Though as an amature psychologist; I think what you're seeing is masked jealousy. They probably wish that they were brave enough to do what you did and they manifest their jealousy with anger (it's an easy out).
Hopefully as WLS gains acceptance, this won't be an issue from our Queer Qommunity, because if anyone should be accepting- it's those of us who are least accepted by society.
-d

Mimi-
I am a queer butch FTM. I can relate to your story in relation to my transition. ( I am still pre-op WLS)
I don't think it is so much about jealousy as seeing it as a rejection. It takes a lot of bravery to walk through this world as a Fat Butch. In so many ways Butch's go against norms..."masculine woman...Fat person...lesbian/bi/queer...." We face discrimination and misperceptions with-in our own communities for "being too manly" "being a stereotype" etc,,,,, In the non queer world we often face harsh judgment and sometimes dangerous situations for being who we were born to be.
There is a reason we are tough.

At the same time....we are highly valued by those who love us... Many femmes love us and other butches too. We have created a community niche for ourselves.
There is something incredible about having community and feeling like there are others that are like you.

So when you follow your own path and start to make changes... (for me it was transitioning...also dating guys...and now WLS)... I think it disrupts the balance of how others view you...or not see you in some cases.
We have worked hard to create a community of Fat Butches and now we are seeing folks disappearing ...some transition ....some lose weight....
I think when someone sees someone who was a fierce fat butch and sees them change by choice there is a subconscious questioning of " Am I really okay?  Maybe they don't think I am OK?" and it brings back that same energy we use to make our place in the world. The same energy armor that we use to power through a world that is not always very friendly to us.

It's complicated and I don't think many people are even aware of the part they are playing in this dynamic.

Try to remember it is not personal. If more people could embrace that then this dynamic would all but disappear.

I hope that helps-  and I hope you have an awesome Pride. Congrats on the Proclamation.

Dante

<-------------s the butches, fat or otherwise!!!

<----------------'s the butches too!! 

HI Mimi,

Congrats on the Proclamation.  Pride here is not until the end of July.  SO I am hoping there is a lot less of me by then.

You know what I find strange about our community???  Rhetorical question since here is my answer...lol

In a community that strives for acceptance, why are we so hard on our own sub-cultures!!  Strange to me.......but hey............some things are just that...strange to me.

I applaud your getting healthy and making your decision for WLS.

Atta boi.........................is what I say !!

To the rest of the insecure butchies........well hell...tell them to go get a new damn DRESS !! 


Glad to see you here, and the VSG board as well Mimi.

This has been a wonderful thread and has made me laugh many times!
I'm ready to meet them all face on!

SF Pride is at the end of July so all the other local prides (ours is Santa Cruz) try to squeeze in weekends before or after. Ours is always the first weekend in June w/the Dyke March/Pink Saturday on the 6th.

BTW a heck of a long time ago SC was the first Dyke March to openly welcome Transexuals.

Here is a link if anyone is interested - we have a pretty wild time...that weekend in our sweet little seaside town.

http://www.santacruzdykemarch.com/

   I don't think worrying about how you will look in 2 months means you are queer. It means you are human. I am going to see my Grandma in 2 months and she paid for the surgery. This is the first I have seen her in a year and a half. I am worried about how I will look then. If it does mean you're queer, then I guess I am finally realizing that. LOL ok not really. Totally straight here.

<----------------'s the butches three!!

Fat or otherwise!! Just check out my partner!